Get What You Want Out Of Life-Lose The Victim Mentality

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What is a Victim mentality? My dear husband describes this as your inner martyr. That part of you that gets pleasure out of thinking: “Poor me, I will never be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough. I’m just a waste of human DNA; someone please put me out of my misery”.

The victim is your excuse for:

  • not getting the pretty girl or rich guy

  • coming up short on the promotion at work

  • not closing that prospect

Just fill in the blanks on what you don’t deserve and why. If things are not going your way, you can just call in the Victim, and shed a few tears over your own ineptitude as you just quit trying to succeed at anything at all.

Just fill in the blanks on what you don’t deserve and why. If things are not going your way, you can just call in the Victim, and shed a few tears over your own ineptitude as you just quit trying to succeed at anything at all.

The Victim in you survives by replaying your inner DVD of errors and missteps in your life thus far. If you want more out of this life you have to quit reliving your past. Learn from your mistakes and move on!

I am going to use celebrities as an example here: I am sure you’ve read in the tabloids about some star that, early on, got everything that they wanted. But their Victim tells them everyday that this is not a life that they deserve; the Victim is judge and jury and causes them to make decisions on a daily basis that are guaranteed to prove this out. Driving drunk, committing suicide at the height of their careers, being publicly promiscuous, the list is endless when it comes to the damage that some celebrities inflict on themselves and the people who care about them.

We get out of this life exactly that which matches our expectations, and if you are expecting the worst you will get the worst. If your inner Victim insists that you don’t deserve any better – well, then you don’t. To gain small victories we must let go of our Victim mentality. Lose the Victim and gain a life of happiness and abundance.

How do you let go of your Victim mentality? Well you have to put different thoughts into the compartments of your mind. Fill those spaces with thoughts of future successes small and large; don’t focus on your lack of funds, instead think about what you are going to do with all that money when it’s just sitting in your bank account; replace the words fat, chunky and overweight with thin, healthy, and svelte. In short, you must spring clean your mind and rearrange the furnishings (and change the locks while you’re at it) so that the Victim becomes a homeless person.

Stay focused on your desires, live in the moment secure in the belief that you deserve to live your best life.

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The Importance of Communicating Our Intentions

Has this ever happened to you? You signed a new person to your business intentionopportunity, they were gung ho and ready to rock and roll, you are just totally over the moon about the possibilities. But it’s been two weeks and Jane doesn’t respond to your emails and has not returned any of your calls.  You’re starting to wonder if there is something you said or didn’t say that may have caused this situation.

Jane  is MIA and, trust me, it’s no one’s fault. You ASSUMED that Jane planned to just jump on in there and get to work, building her business and increasing your earnings. However, Jane’s intentions are to get to it when she get’s to it,  after all you did tell her that it’s her business.

You entered into this relationship with the intention of gaining a partner who would help you to grow your existing business, Jane entered into this business with the intention of getting a home office tax deduction because she is single, childless, and has to pay additional taxes at the end of the year.  And yes she does plan to work the business someday, but it was never her intention to do it today.

This example illustrates the negative situation that can arise when we do not clarify our true intentions when entering into a relationship. The truth is that this is a very common thread in all relationships, we have certain unspoken expectations of our co-workers, our spouses, our children, and our friends.  When the other party in a relationship does not live up to these expectations we are disappointed and the relationship is slightly fractured.

Joe, a married man from Connecticut, meets Cindy at a club in New York and they enter into a relationship. Joe’s intention is to have a good time outside of his marriage, Cindy on the other hand believes that Joe loves her and her increasing intention is to wrest hi away from his wife and children and marry him herself. Cindy wins and Joe marries her after his divorce becomes final. Several years later she is devastated to learn that he has had several affairs. Joe is surprised, it was never his intention to hurt Cindy, he gave her everything she wanted and assumed that she understood “the kind of guy” that he is.  Joe and Cindy could have saved themselves some trouble nd heartache by stating their intentions and expectations loudly and clearly back at the club when they first met.

In business, as in life, you will find that things will go much more smoothly when everyone is clear about what their intentions are and what their desired outcome is. What if you had said to Jane, “I am looking for people who are ready to hit the ground running because I have a goal..” then Jane could have responded “Well I really like the business model and want to sign on, but I probably won’t be able to get started working for another six months, would that be ok with you?”

It sure would save you a lot of angst and frustration to find out what’s really in your prospect’s head up front, now wouldn’t it?

How do you communicate your intentions when prospecting?

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