Monthly Archives: June 2009

June 30, 2009

Effective Listening|Maybe What You Thought You Heard Wasn’t What Was Really Said

*John is an entrepreneur, he’s popular on all of the social media sites, has multiple streams of income, and is always giving advice  online about how to succeed in business.  The funny thing is that John’s advice usually lands the person who asked for it on his business prospecting list, and if they don’t watch out before they know it they’ve landed in his downline – and still don’t know what to do to improve the business that they already have!

My question to you is  are you John? Do you rush in  with your product or biz opp, offering them as the solution to your prospect’s problem before you even know what the actual problem is? Deeper still, do you listen with your mouth instead of your ears?  In his book  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Personal Workbook Stephen R. Covey says that the key to effective communication is that you must  “seek first to understand, then to be understood“.

You:  “Hello, Carrie, this is ____ with the fitness company, I have a note here that says you’re interested in losing weight”

Prospect: “Oh, I definitely am.”

You: “Great, how much weight are you looking to lose?”

Prospect: “Well I gained 30 pounds with the baby and just can’t seem to get rid of it, and I’m breast feeding too so dieting is hard”

You: “Oh I know what you mean, it was so easy to take the weight off with my first two, but after my third I just could not get that weight off.  I’ll tell you I tried just about every diet that you could think of.  I tried walking, and exercise tapes and finally I found the XYZ fitness company. The company was started by a Mom who had the same problem, and she designed our products specifically for Moms like you and I. You know we are a 7billion dollar debt free company and our products are shipped directly from the Amazon River, where they are harvested by natives. ”

What are you reading a script or something? Did you even hear the part where she said that she couldn’t afford fancy diets or that she was breast feeding? I bet you were waiting for her to finish her sentence, so that you could say the next thing on your script.  You quickly jumped to the conclusion that her problem was the same as your problem and therefore what worked for you should work for her.

Next time, listen and respond to what the prospect is saying, rather than responding to your thoughts about what the prospect is saying. For example when she mentions breast feeding you could say: “Really? Do you have any dietary restrictions due to breast feeding?”   or “Tell me more about that”  Maybe she can’t use your product because one of the ingredients  gives babies gas. Isn’t it better to learn that early in the conversation?

Also, remember that the most important person in a prospecting call isn’t you, it’s the other person. You already know all there is to know about you, now you  need to learn what you need to know about them so that you can determine if your solution fits their problem

Good luck and keep your ears open…

* John is fictional, don’t be like that Carly Simon song “you’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you”

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June 29, 2009

Which Michael Jackson are you mourning?

I am a pretty emotional person who feels things deeply. Back in 97, I got up at 2 am to watch Princess Di’s funeral- and cried through the entire thing (she died on the day I finally received my bachelors degree and they buried her onmy birthday, should have been a great week for me, I know). When my dog Storm passed last month, I cried for days afterwards. And let’s not even talk about Tupac.

Of course I am mourning MJ and my husband knows this, so last night he asked me to pose a question to my friends and readers. The question is “Which Michael Jackson died for you on Thursday?”

Is it the little guy in the suede vest singing “I Want You Back”?

Or is it the gawky adolescent who sang “Ben”?

Maybe for you it’s the dude who brought us “Thriller”, “Beat It”, and “Billie Jean”

Did Michael Jackson the MoonWalker and “Smooth Criminal” pass away?

Or was it just Wacko Jacko? That overexposed and strange looking dude?

Leave a comment!

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June 26, 2009

10 Things They Aren’t Saying About Michael Jackson

michael jackson

Michael Jackson and I were exposed to America in the same year 1969.  The Jackson 5 landed their first megahit “I Want You Back”  and I landed in New York City. Michael Jackson with (and without) his brothers provided the soundtrack of my life – and a beautiful and memorable soundtrack it is.

I remember house parties in Brooklyn apartments from Ebbets Field to Vanderveer where the kids entertained the adults by  mimicking the choreography of  “I Want You Back”, “ABC”, and “The Love You Save”. I wasn’t in love with Michael, my heart belonged to Sigmund Esco Jackson the older brother with whom I created an inner fantasy life (if you have never listened to his album, you should run out and get it right now). Michael’s songs  “Ben”, “Got To Be There”, and  “I Wanna Be Where You Are”  took me from puberty into my teenage years.

My 2 oldest children watched “Thriller” every day, over and over and over, we wore the tape out. I think the fact that my son Khalil is a professional dancer and choreographer today is due in large part to Michael and Thriller. My youngest Jalen loved Moonwalker, we wore that tape out too and moved on to the Ones DVD.

So it just makes me want to “Scream”  that the foucs right now is on how strange Michael was, and whether or not he molested  children, and his many surgeries etc etc.. I had a real honest to God childhood, Michael didn’t as evidenced in this song

Have you seen my Childhood?
I’m searching for the world that I come from
‘Cause I’ve been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart…
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities…
‘Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me…

I learned how to interact with people as I grew older, I don’t think Michael ever learned how to trust adults, or handle money or any of that normal stuff. At the end of the day (I believe) he was a good human being, who left us with some wonderful music – his and the music of those he inspired (Usher, Justin Timberlake, Chris Brown, Neo, Ginuwine, Beyonce and on and on).

Here are just a few  things I admire about Michael Jackson:

  1. He made the Guinness Book of World records for basically being  the superstar who gave  to the highest number of  charities in 2000
  2. He gave anonymously to parents who lost their children to  gang violence so that they could bury said children
  3. He donated 300 million dollars to various charities
  4. It was reported that he bought Little Richards catalog (which little Richard did not own, story for another day) and gave it back to him so that Little Richard could benefit from his own royalties – this brought Little Richard to tears
  5. Neverland was not just a private amusement park for him, it was also a part of his charitable giving
  6. He didn’t steal the Beatles catalog – it was available, he bid on it and won, Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono were not interested initially.
  7. He  was guilty of random and anonymous acts of kindness
  8. He donated money from his tours to orphanages and hospitals all over the world
  9. He can beatbox and he legally patented his patented smooth criminal lean (http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2009/06/25/michael-jacksons-pat.html) (thank u Chris)

Feel free to leave a comment and add to my list,

I am declaring this a MJ no bash zone – there are plenty of other blogs where you can go talk bad about Michael, this isn’t one of them.
michael joseph jackson
RIP Michael Joseph Jackson – thanks for the memories.

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June 22, 2009

The Importance of Communicating Our Intentions

Has this ever happened to you? You signed a new person to your business intentionopportunity, they were gung ho and ready to rock and roll, you are just totally over the moon about the possibilities. But it’s been two weeks and Jane doesn’t respond to your emails and has not returned any of your calls.  You’re starting to wonder if there is something you said or didn’t say that may have caused this situation.

Jane  is MIA and, trust me, it’s no one’s fault. You ASSUMED that Jane planned to just jump on in there and get to work, building her business and increasing your earnings. However, Jane’s intentions are to get to it when she get’s to it,  after all you did tell her that it’s her business.

You entered into this relationship with the intention of gaining a partner who would help you to grow your existing business, Jane entered into this business with the intention of getting a home office tax deduction because she is single, childless, and has to pay additional taxes at the end of the year.  And yes she does plan to work the business someday, but it was never her intention to do it today.

This example illustrates the negative situation that can arise when we do not clarify our true intentions when entering into a relationship. The truth is that this is a very common thread in all relationships, we have certain unspoken expectations of our co-workers, our spouses, our children, and our friends.  When the other party in a relationship does not live up to these expectations we are disappointed and the relationship is slightly fractured.

Joe, a married man from Connecticut, meets Cindy at a club in New York and they enter into a relationship. Joe’s intention is to have a good time outside of his marriage, Cindy on the other hand believes that Joe loves her and her increasing intention is to wrest hi away from his wife and children and marry him herself. Cindy wins and Joe marries her after his divorce becomes final. Several years later she is devastated to learn that he has had several affairs. Joe is surprised, it was never his intention to hurt Cindy, he gave her everything she wanted and assumed that she understood “the kind of guy” that he is.  Joe and Cindy could have saved themselves some trouble nd heartache by stating their intentions and expectations loudly and clearly back at the club when they first met.

In business, as in life, you will find that things will go much more smoothly when everyone is clear about what their intentions are and what their desired outcome is. What if you had said to Jane, “I am looking for people who are ready to hit the ground running because I have a goal..” then Jane could have responded “Well I really like the business model and want to sign on, but I probably won’t be able to get started working for another six months, would that be ok with you?”

It sure would save you a lot of angst and frustration to find out what’s really in your prospect’s head up front, now wouldn’t it?

How do you communicate your intentions when prospecting?

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June 18, 2009

This Product Sells Itself & Other Marketing Myths

Supermarket in São Paulo
Image via Wikipedia

I want a nickel for every time that I’ve been told “This product sells itself”. It wouldn’t bother me so much if there weren’t such a proliferation of advertising across the Interwebz about opportunities where the product or service is so necessary to everyday living that , well it just jumps out of the cases in your garage and into the waiting arms of consumers across America.

It got me to thinking ,  food is a bare necessity but my local supermarket has to send a sales paper to get me in there to make a purchase, so food doesn’t sell itself.  Clothing is a necessity,and again if there isn’t a sale on, don’t look for me at the mall. Shelter, now there’s a necessity, and we all know what happened to the US housing market over the past two years or so.  So if the bare necessities don’t sell themselves, then obviously nothing else will either.

Everything is about selling. Getting a good job is all about making a sales call on a recruiter or manager and hoping that you close the sale  and walk away hired. Keeping a job means selling your personality and skills daily to people that you may or may not even want to be around -but you’ve got to pay the bills for all the crap you’ve been sold on. When you met your spouse you had to sell him or her on You, if you’re single and looking then chances are you are selling every time you go on a date or meet someone new.

Life my friend, is a sales call. What am I really saying though? I am saying that  if you want to get into network marketing or internet marketing, by all means do it, there is so much income potential in these two areas. But don’t fall for the okey doke, if someone tells you that you can make 20k a month starting tomorrow, while you sleep and your turnkey system does all the work — well if you believe them that’s on you.

You can become a successful marketer with ease (and that ease is all in your head, it’s your mindset that dictates the level of  “ease”),  but you can’t become one by being lazy, or waiting for the guy who signed you up to do the work for you, or reading books that teach strategies which you never implement. Nor can you become one if you don’t want your information on the internet and refuse to use social media tools, or are afraid to pick up the phone and actually talk to other humans about your product, service or opportunity.

This product doesn’t sell itself, you do — so get to work.

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June 14, 2009

My Thoughts on Universal Health Care and Michael Moore’s “Sicko”

Blood testing in a medical facility in Ethiopia.
Image via Wikipedia

The election cycle of the past two years saw health care plans being proposed by both the  Democrats and the Republicans, but now that politicians actually (once again) have a chance to vote on changes that could benefit all Americans we find the bill being used in a dodge ball fight between the have, the have not, and the don’t have a clue crowds.

I watched Michael Moore’s movie “Sicko” this week and I was moved to do something that I usually try to avoid – weigh in on an issue that is highly political. You see , sometimes even  those of us who stand on the sidelines and keep our own counsel, may find that we have to stand for something if it will keep just one person from falling for whatever the talking heads throw at them.

I was not surprised by the fact that 9/11 heroes cannot get help right here , nor was I surprised that there are people who lose everything due to the high cost of being sick. Heck, I wasn’t even surprised that the insurance companies have entire departments devoted to denying claims (c’mon didn’t you guys see “The Incredibles”? ) or that doctors are rewarded for doing the same.

I am surprised that the American people keep falling for the (as my son puts it) oski woski. Namely, that universal health care would raise taxes and make us nothing more than a communist country, that we would have sub par facilities, that the care given to us by our doctors would be dictated by the government and therefore ” less than”, that our doctors would be underpaid and we would therefore lose some of our doctors (after all who wants to study medicine for 12 years if they aren’t guaranteed a country club membership and million dollar income?), and blah blah blah.

As I was reviewing some tax documents for the IRS, it occurred to me that maybe one small  part of  the problem is that the rhetoric is targeted towards people who don’t actually make enough money to pay a lot of taxes. I pay a lot of taxes,  and then at the end of the year I get to pay a little more, and  I therefore  wonder where my money goes.  However, for many years I was a single parent of two, was able to file “head of household” and looked forward to tax time because it meant a nice fat check to be used for something I probably should have saved up for.

Never in a million years would it have occurred to me to forego the refund so that I wouldn’t have to pay $200 a month for health insurance, $500 for a root canal, and be able to get the hearing aid that I never got because no insurance that I’ve ever had fully covered hearing aids (so yeah I go around saying “huh?” and “eh?”  quite a bit).

Since I’ve come into all of this money that the IRS feels entitled to, it occurs to me that it sure would be nice to pay what I owe and still be able to get sick in peace.  I think so highly of our current health care system that I declined the health insurance coverage offered to me by my employer . Why?  Because I did the math and found that I could buy a new car at the end of the year if I banked the money instead and used my discount benefits plan for my health care needs.Not to mention that my plan provides discounts on things that help to prevent illness like stop smoking programs, diet and nutrition programs, diagnostic tests and yes even hearing aids.

I am not done with the subject of our broken health insurance system but don’t want to keep you too long Dear Reader. Next up : “Dear overpaid politicians, stop debating the pros and cons and start doing something about health care reform ” or maybe I’ll tell you why the US ranks behind many third world countries when it comes to our health care.

What do you think about the current debate on health care reform?

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June 7, 2009

When Paying Off Debt – Don’t Try To Eat The Whole Elephant

ccToday we are blessed with the ability to have just about anything we want quite quickly. If we get lost on a road trip, a GPS system will give us the correct directions instantly (failing that you can text your location and destination to Google and they will text directions back to you); we don’t just have restaurants we have “fast food” restaurants, and even conventional restaurants now allow fast ordering and pickup via the internet; can’t remember the name of that actor in National Lampoon’s vacation? Google it. Need to visit your money, pay a bill, trade some stock, or buy clothes for the kids? You don’t even have to get off the couch, just log on to your bank, favorite online store etc.

But what has the ability to get things done right now done to all of us? It’s given us the false belief that we can do everything FAST!  You can lose 10lbs this week, speak Italian by Monday, have a gourmet meal on the table in 30 minutes or less, and take a couple of hours off work to  change the contours of your body or thickness of your lips.  So then why shouldn’t you  be able to get out of debt quick, fast, and in a hurry?  I read somewhere recently that if you borrow against tomorrow, you will always be broke. Well think of your debt situation as you having borrowed against tomorrow – and now the day after tomorrow is here and you’ve still got the debt, but that windfall you borrowed against  just never happened.

The truth is that how quickly you get out of debt will depend on a couple of things:

  1. How far down the rabbit hole did you let yourself go? $2000 in credit card debt or $250,000 including a car and a mortgage (yes you should probably pay your mortgage off  if you plan to stay in your house).
  2. How much are you willing to give up ( from that Aruba vacation to eating out to t-bone steaks from the grocery store)?
  3. How much  income can you throw at your debt?
  4. How strong is your desire to be debt free – I mean do you want to be debt free or do you just want to get back to being able to using your credit cards and not hiding your car?

Getting out of debt can be hard work if you do not have the right tools – if you have 3 or more large sums to pay off then chances are you have creditors calling and offering their “special payment plan” , please understand that often these plans will leave you exactly where you are for another 10 to 15 years! In my last post  “How To Survive & Maybe Even Thrive In Our Down Economy” I discussed my aversion to credit counseling services – the main one being that they don’t get you out of debt very quickly (ok, yes I am addicted to fast) and the monthly payment you get stuck with just isn’t worth it in many cases, I also promised my Mamapedia readers some debt reduction tools.

When you begin the work of getting out of debt, don’t try to eat the whole elephant, you can’t really pay off anything if you are paying off everything all at once. Try the snowball method where you start with the little things – your $400 department store card, followed by the $1000 Amex, and then the $5000 Home Depot  bill.  Back to those tools I mentioned ( the links below are all to documents on Keith Chuvala’s FPU page), if you can afford it I suggest David Ramsey’s ” Financial Peace ” or his Total Money Makeover or any book on creating a budget  and managing your debt. The first thing any financial planner worth their salt will tell you is that you have to pay yourself first, which doesn’t mean that you take $200 from your paycheck and go shoe shopping. What it means is that  you should save and/or invest a portion of your income every pay day. David Ramsey suggests saving $1000 before you even consider starting your debt reduction plan because if you don’t have any savings then small emergencies will derail your efforts topay down your debt.

The next thing that you should do is determine what you take home and what you  spend each month, the three spread sheets on this page will help you to document this information and then create a quick and dirty budget.  There are many worksheets on Keith’s website that wil help you with everything from how to save to paying off debt, by far my favorite is the Debt Snowball Calculator, using this calculator I realized that I could actually pay of my 30-year refinanced-too-many-times-to count  mortgage befoe my youngest gets out of college – to me that is awesome!

OK this post ran a little longer than I planned, I hope that I’ve given everyone who’s having issues with debt a few tips and tools for getting out of debt once and for all. Also, if you leave a comment and are among the first 10 people to  link to the post on Twitter( put @deniseporter so I know that you did) I will gift you with a copy of  “The Total Money Makeover”.

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