Dear Mr Obama, How Long Before My Bailout Check Arrives?

Dear Mr President-Elect Obama,

I’ve been reading about all this “bailout” money that has been or will be given to some of the companies that find themselves in trouble because of … wait, why are they in trouble? Was there a fork in the road and everyone decided to go left and not right? Oh crap, which way did Bill Gates and Steve Jobs go? Will they need a bailout too? Is that going to impact my bailout amount?

Anyway, back to the other guys, why are they in so much trouble? I mean I know why I am in a little bit of trouble, but heck I’ve never made anything that ran over 5 figures and these guys were earning millions to make the right decisions, so what the heck were they doing up in those ivory towers and on their private Lear jets? Basking in the glow of power instead of being pro-active?

Lemme tell you something else while I have you on the line, a couple of months back I was having trouble with one of my properties and I approached my mortgage company and said “Look I really want to straighten this out but I can’t make these monthly payments, what can we do?” Well I guess I forgot to add a ‘wink, wink’ after that statement (like I see these guys doing in front of those congressional committees “I’ll work for a $1 since I’m already worth 50 billion ‘wink, wink'”) and the solution I was offered was to increase my payments by $300 over the next 4 or so months, which would get me caught up on the 2 payments that I was behind. So I was wondering if this is the kind of solution that these millionaires are coming up with across the board.; and could that be why they are all in trouble?

Well lemme not talk your ear off Mr President- Elect Sir, I’ll get to the point, I need to make sure that I’m included in that bailout plan, I don’t require much and I just need to know when I can get in front of Congress to beg .. I mean ask, for my cut. My husband and I will do the automakers one better and ride our bicycles there (thru the snow), camp out near the Lincoln Memorial and fast the entire time just to show you how serious we are about saving money and growing our business.

Thank You Mr President-Elect Obama Sir.
Country First & I Hope to hear from you soon.


P.S. Does my bailout include the IRS forgiving my past transgressions? Not a deal breaker, just wondering.

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